First and foremost I’d like to introduce myself. I am 29 years old and have been married for over a year now and trying to conceive since February this year making this my 7th month of active trying for our first baby.
I don’t drink, gave up smoking way before we started to try for a baby. Have been taking pre natal vitamins since January. Husband’s sperm count is fine. I have not had any tests done as of yet.
Now you have a little background, let me me explain why I decided to write this blog. I woke up feeling very hopeful, you see, i’m currently 14 days past my ovulation day which is apparently when 97% of women can trust the test result on a home pregnancy test. I’ve been pregnancy symptom spotting for the last 2 weeks, so when I woke up feeling nauseas I felt happy and hopeful. Well low and behold, using my First morning urine I peed on a stick. Needless to say, it was a Big Fat Negative.
My heart sank, and I crawled back into bed and cried. I just had an overwhelming sense of being alone, I honestly didn’t know who to turn to, I wanted to tell someone how heartbroken I was, how disappointed and anxious I was about never falling pregnant. How next month I need to try something different.
I was not able to tell anyone apart from my husband when he came home for lunch. I am lucky I have him, but he doesn’t really get involved with all things trying to conceive, such as ovulation tests, temping, vitamins, timing it right etc etc. I moan at him for not asking me how I am feeling, or trying to be more active in his support, but he takes no notice. For him he just has to do ‘it’ when I tell him to and that’s his part done. For me its a whole lot more, and I don’t think he understands that.
I would normally talk to my sisters about this sort of thing, I have 4, 2 of which live in London who I am not close to, and another 2 who live close by who are my best friends. The problem is they are both pregnant. One is currently 3 days past her due date with her 3rd baby, and the other is 5 months pregnant with her first. Did they struggle to get pregnant?
The one who is past her due date gets pregnant with 1 try, and when I say 1 try I mean that, not one month/cycle 1 try!! With all three of her children, it took her 1 go.
My other sister who is 5 months pg, it took her 2 months. So how do I talk to them when I know for certain that they do not understand me. It is certainly something that I never thought I’d go through, don’t get me wrong, I know in the grand scheme of things we haven’t been trying that long. However the emotional strain of trying to conceive is something I feel is quite taboo, people don’t tend to talk about it.
I have an overwhelming sense of loneliness that I have never felt before. I know there must be hundreds of women out there that are feeling the same, so I hope that my blog will help people realise that they are not alone. In later entries I will probably go into the technicalities of cycle days, etc. So I hope you will follow me on my journey until I get my positive pregnancy test.
Please feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk to, I would love to hear from ladies who are going through a similar experience.
Lots of love
S xXx
tryingtoconcieveandremainsane 